Spring Break
The truth as I see it
Executive Order
Austin Rucker
Issue date: 1/19/07 Section: The Mix
You can find that trash over in Dedman.
We only have one library on campus devoted to the joy of God, and it's tucked in right next to Meadows, so the only people who ever go in there are confused stoners and other artistic types. Let's have a section for religion, and ban all government-based literature. Church and state must be kept apart for the sake of America.
We do need some medical texts, so maybe a few seasons of "Grey's Anatomy" might be in order.
We also need a statue. Maybe a giant bald eagle, wings spread, shedding a tear over the ruins of Ground Zero. Let's cast 10 little Iraqis under its wing and maybe have Saddam hanging from the beak. We must never forget how inextricably entwined Iraq is to Sept. 11 and the war on terror.
Maybe we can put a giant 40-foot tall Marine at the center of the library. Marines are cool; they get these awesome swords and sexy little hats. Let's add a recruiting station into one of the wings.
At SMU, supporting our troops is paramount - even though we have no ROTC program of our own and we require America's future finest to drive out to Arlington to do ROTC with UNT. Who cares? We love America and that's why that library is ours.
The recruiting station will be open 24 hours a day. Mustangs can, at any time, sign up for our armed forces and go fight for America in case finals get to be too much. Hopefully we can get some of those pesky historians and political Satanists to enlist and get the hell out of our hair.
Yeah, sure they know a lot about what used to happen, but let's see them predict a roadside IED tomorrow. America faces a threat completely different from anything ever seen in the nation's history. Brown people are attacking our freedom faster than we can strip it away ourselves.
As an advertising student, I know how to draw a crowd. The library will need something of value. I propose a discount gas station so we can fill up our tanks on the liquid freedom of petrol, proceeds from which will go to fight terror and support our capitalist allies in Saudi Arabia and back home at Halliburton headquarters.
We only have one library on campus devoted to the joy of God, and it's tucked in right next to Meadows, so the only people who ever go in there are confused stoners and other artistic types. Let's have a section for religion, and ban all government-based literature. Church and state must be kept apart for the sake of America.
We do need some medical texts, so maybe a few seasons of "Grey's Anatomy" might be in order.
We also need a statue. Maybe a giant bald eagle, wings spread, shedding a tear over the ruins of Ground Zero. Let's cast 10 little Iraqis under its wing and maybe have Saddam hanging from the beak. We must never forget how inextricably entwined Iraq is to Sept. 11 and the war on terror.
Maybe we can put a giant 40-foot tall Marine at the center of the library. Marines are cool; they get these awesome swords and sexy little hats. Let's add a recruiting station into one of the wings.
At SMU, supporting our troops is paramount - even though we have no ROTC program of our own and we require America's future finest to drive out to Arlington to do ROTC with UNT. Who cares? We love America and that's why that library is ours.
The recruiting station will be open 24 hours a day. Mustangs can, at any time, sign up for our armed forces and go fight for America in case finals get to be too much. Hopefully we can get some of those pesky historians and political Satanists to enlist and get the hell out of our hair.
Yeah, sure they know a lot about what used to happen, but let's see them predict a roadside IED tomorrow. America faces a threat completely different from anything ever seen in the nation's history. Brown people are attacking our freedom faster than we can strip it away ourselves.
As an advertising student, I know how to draw a crowd. The library will need something of value. I propose a discount gas station so we can fill up our tanks on the liquid freedom of petrol, proceeds from which will go to fight terror and support our capitalist allies in Saudi Arabia and back home at Halliburton headquarters.
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